Working to strengthen your marriage when dealing with infertility can be a bit challenging. Both of you are so focused on doing all the things/tips you learn and can read about getting pregnant that you forget about each other.
Because of this, getting intimate is not spontaneous anymore. It is always directed towards a goal, which is to make a baby. Making love is not making love anymore, it is now making a baby. Sad but true, it is even scheduled.
If you are new here, check out Our First IUI which talks about how this journey started.
Fertility treatment brings about a rollercoaster of emotions. These includes fluctuations in moods, stress and even depression. Without properly managing all these, it can lead to a marital destruction.
Sad but I have heard other couples end their marriage because of these.
Communicate with each other
Communication brings about understanding. We understand a person better if they tell us what is going on. We can help them if they say what they need.
The same is true when dealing with infertility, communication is crucial. This is precisely correct when undergoing fertility treatments. Clomid, for instance, is a fertility medicine which helps women ovulate. One of its side effects is mood fluctuations. It can be severe that it can annoy someone, let’s say your husband who does not know about it.
Clomid, for instance, is a fertility medicine which helps women ovulate. However, as with any other drugs, it has its side effects. One of its side effects includes mood fluctuations. It can be severe that it can be annoying to anyone, let’s say your husband who does not know about the side effects.
I experienced this side effect myself, and I was cuckoo. However, my husband and I researched for the side effects beforehand. Because of this, both of us had a better understanding.
I feel sorry for him for having to deal with my mood swings. But he understands, and God bless him for that.
Get each other Involved
With fertility treatment, we women are the main character, meaning we get to do all the work. And the husband is just watching. But not really, they get to do some stuff too, like giving their sample.
The journey through fertility is not only for us women; it should be a teamwork between our partners and us. So we need to get them involved in this process. In that way, they won’t feel left out.
Involvement can be in the form of going with you on your clinic visits, injecting your HCG trigger shot, giving you your fertility medicine or just doing the household chores. He should know that you are restricted by your doctor to perform heavy duty tasks after insemination.
Say ‘I love you” as often as you can
Saying “I Love You” should never be taken for granted. Expression of love deepens a relationship. It also brings understanding and makes the recipient feel appreciated.
Saying “I love You” creates open communication to share thoughts and emotions and more positive feelings toward each other. For me, I say it upon waking up, before going to work, during lunch break, upon coming home, during dinner and before going to bed.
It is not exhausting if you really mean it.
Find time just to Cuddle
Between your full-time job and endless doctor’s appointment, it will be hard to find time to just be with each other. However, sacrificing a little bit of your day to spend with your partner is well worth it.
It doesn’t only make you feel good, but also it will make you happy. Women’s Health Mag listed the benefits of cuddling here.
So, when you get home from a stressful at work, freshen up and cuddle up with your partner in the couch. Definitely, it will take the day’s stress away. Trust me, it works!
Let your partner hang out with his friends without you
As with any relationship, we need space, both emotional and physical. Although we wanted to spend time with our partner, studies show that doing things apart can actually strengthen the relationship of married couples.
My husband and I find time to spend with our friends separately. However, we also do things together with our friends. We just try to have our own “me” time with our friends. In this way, we still keep our individuality and not cling too much to each other.
Have a weekly date night
If you are both working full time, chances are you do not have an opportunity to spend time with each other. The only time you would be together is either during dinner or sleeping, which I think is not actually spending time together.
Plan one night a week to spend on a date with your spouse. Be it brunch or lunch after church during the weekend or dinner in your favorite restaurant.
Spend this time by sharing your thoughts, your days at work, your goals and your plans. Do also take the time to listen to your partner.
Having one night with just the two of you will de-stress you and reenergize both of you to start the week.
Show some appreciation
Dr. Ryan M. Niemiec of Psychology Today stated that those who express appreciation with their partner are more committed to them and more likely to stay in the relationship.
Words are powerful so just simply thanking your partner for being there will bring about great impact. It will mean so much to that person, and it will make him/her special. Try thanking you husband before you go to bed.
I am sure there are other ways to strengthen your marriage. The list above is just a few of the things you can do to strengthen your marriage. No matter what you choose to do, it is vital to have a game plan. It will save your marriage in the long run, especially when you are struggling with infertility.