How To Deal With The Pain Of Another Negative Beta HCG

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 If you are new here at WishfulMom, you can check out my first post.

HCG(Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) is otherwise called the “pregnancy hormone”. Beta HCG test is a test that looks for HCG in the blood. It is a preferred tool for urine test especially when fertility treatment is involved.

We had our second IUI(intrauterine insemination) earlier this month and everything seemed to be going well. The two-week wait was still a struggle but this time it’s not as bad as the first one. I was able to do a lot of things which kept my mind off of it.

I was getting excited towards the end of the two-week wait. Abdominal cramps and breast tenderness started. I was even having dizziness. I know these are also symptoms of an impending visit from Aunt Flow(AF) but I tried to keep my optimism.

Then the night before my scheduled beta HCG test, AF came. I was caught completely by surprise because I wasn’t expecting it. During my first cycle, I got my period after the beta HCG test. It was all so disheartening!

I remained for a long time in the bathroom simply thinking. I had to keep myself together before breaking the news to my husband.

“Are you sure?”, my poor husband asked.

It was even more heartbreaking seeing the disappointment in his eyes. He was very hopeful during this second cycle. He even claimed that we are going to have twins. I could imagine the sadness within him. Be that as it may, he held me close to him, and this time I didn’t shed a tear.

Unfortunately, my beta HCG test day was on Valentines Day. I called the office to ask if I still need to come in despite the fact that I already got my period. My doctor wanted me to go in and get the blood test to make sure everything was ok.

At the end of the day, I got a call from my doctor. And as expected the beta HCG was negative. However, she said that I am ok to start the third cycle. I went straight home after work and started calling the pharmacy for refills needed for my third cycle. It was a pain.

Could this Valentine’s day get any gloomier?

It’s a good thing my husband got us a dinner reservation at one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate Valentines Day. At least I have something good to look forward to after a depressing day. Although we won’t be celebrating it the way we anticipated, we still got each other.

While getting ready to go out for dinner, my husband came home with this.

It’s been a while since he got me flowers and I think there is no other day more perfect than this day. My husband knew how to kiss my pain away. And I thank God every day for giving him to me. He has been my rock all this time. The one good thing that this struggle has created us is that it strengthened our relationship to a point that it can handle anything that life throws at us.

I guess there is a reason to celebrate after all.

Any thoughts?